It’s a secret between us and the woods

“Animals aren’t the only things that hide in the woods…

Rosie and James, both stuck in a loveless marriage trying to find an escape… As their marriages begin to break, they find themselves drawn towards the woods.

A dark romance set in the woods, will they escape? Will their secret be discovered?”

My husband Charlie and I had been married for just over a year and I was miserable. I never really saw myself marrying him but at the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Oh how wrong I was! He was lazy, rude and he didn’t have a clue how to control his anger. I felt constantly trapped. Home was not a pleasant place to be anymore. Therefore I often found myself wandering into the woods during the day to pick flowers and feel free once again.

***

When people speak about domestic abuse, almost 100% of the time people automatically assume it’s the male abusing the female. That is not the case and it certainly is not my case. My wife had been hitting me for our whole marriage and my God, I wish I could escape her. I had never done anything to upset her and I never wanted to. I loved her but I was so unhappy, we barely see each other as she is a barmaid in town and I’m a lumberjack and stay in the woods for the best part of the day. The woods was the only place I felt like I was happy and carefree.

***

I remember it so well, it was a Wednesday afternoon in spring 2010 and my husband Charlie and I had been cuddling in bed one morning. Well, when I say cuddling, I actually mean I was lying there whilst Charlie grabbed my body and snuggled his head into my neck. I wasn’t enjoying it because to be brutally honest, I no longer loved him. I sighed and perched myself up on my pillow and tried to read my book. It was a book on how to make the perfect bouquet of flowers. I loved flowers. Tulips, daisies, daffodils, pansies… All of them. They were so colourful and beautiful and when I looked at them, I felt calm. A vivid memory of mine is when I was a little girl walking in the countryside with my parents, we came across a field full of poppies and I remember being mesmerised by how beautiful they were and from that moment, I knew I would love flowers and everything about them. I was a proud owner of a florist in the village and picking the flowers was one of my favourite pass times. The best place for it was the woods on the outskirts of town, there were multiple ‘hotspots’ where I picked them but the daffodil spot was my favourite and that’s because it was the first place I spotted James…

***

If you asked me what the best day of my life was and I began to tell you, you would be shocked. Because the best day of my life started with my ‘loving’ wife gracing me with a throbbing black eye. Romantic, I know. I hadn’t washed the dishes in the time she had asked me to so that was my punishment. You’re probably thinking how bad my days must be if that was the best day of my life but don’t worry, that was just the beginning of it. This day was the best because I headed out to work early as there was a tall tree that needed chopping in the woods outside of town, even though I had a giant black eye, I was still rearing to go because work was my only escape… That soon changed. I headed over to the tree which my boss had told me about and looked up at the tree, wondering how on Earth they thought this wasn’t a two-man job. I sighed and began my work. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed someone crouched down in the daffodils, in all honesty it scared me because I had never seen anyone in the woods, not even dog walkers. I looked over and she caught my eye and wow, am I glad she did. She was stunning.

***

I wandered to the daffodil spot and crouched down, singing a song I had heard on the radio this morning whilst Charlie got ready for work. I finally felt relaxed and happy. The woods was amazing, I could actually be myself and feel comfortable being myself without pretending, pretending I was happy and pretending I loved a man when I didn’t. I was minding my own business when I saw a man looking over at me from behind a tree. I laughed to myself because it looked like this man was trying to hide behind the tree despite him being twice the size of it. He looked puzzled, deep in thought… But the more I stared at him, the more attractive he was to me. He was your typical tall, dark and handsome fella. Thick, brunette hair which swooped across his face, tanned skin, nicely built figure and not to be stereotypical but you could tell he as a lumberjack because he had a chainsaw behind him and funnily enough, he was wearing a plead shirt. I felt giggly. I hadn’t felt like that in a long, long time. I wanted to see his smile. I wanted to look into his eyes. He looked… Interesting.

***

I decided to walk over, I mean, what was the worst thing that could happen? She looked innocent enough. Long, wispy brunette hair, small and delicate figure. I wondered what colour her eyes were and I wondered whether she was one of those girls that seemed pretty but her teeth ruined it all, I kind of hoped she wasn’t because she looked beautiful to me. I wonder what her voice sounded, I bet it was soft, the kind of voice that gives you goosebumps when they whisper in your ear. I was driving myself a bit crazy thinking about all of this, I assumed she was looking at me thinking I was an odd bod so I just did it, I walked over.

‘Hey’ I said, my voice sounded so much deeper than it was but man, I sounded attractive just then. What a great impression, I thought.

There was a pause. It began to get awkward. I panicked.

‘Why are you in the woods singing to yourself? An absolutely cracking song – just for the record’ I asked her.’

‘Oh… Hi, I wondered whether you were going to come over, you’ve been eyeing me up for the past…’ she looked at her watch, her wrists were tiny. ‘…hmmm, 7 and a half minutes’ she said.

I was right, her voice was soft and soothing. She seemed funny as well, I didn’t think there was any harm in continuing the conversation with her.

I laughed at her

***

He had a black eye. I wondered why but I felt uncomfortable asking so I just assumed that a branch from a tree fell on his face or something ridiculous like that.

‘What’s your name then?’ I asked him, putting on my best smile.

‘James’ He replied.

‘What happened to your eye?’ OH GOD, WORD VOMIT. Why did I just ask him that?! He’s going to hate me, I’m an idiot.

‘My wife hits me.’

He said it with extreme confidence that it almost shocked me. It was almost like he wanted me to know but I don’t know why he would want to tell a woman he met, literally 4 and a half minutes ago something as personal as that. I felt bad for imagining him getting knocked out by a tree now. I apologised to him and said he didn’t have to speak about it but it turns out, he wanted the complete opposite. He crouched down in the daffodils with me and we spoke for hours, he told me everything about his repulsive marriage and I told him everything about my one-way marriage. It was like we had been put together in this forest to discuss how shit marriage was.

We laughed, we cried and time passed so quickly as James and I spoke about our lives. I know it sounds crazy but when people talk about love at first sight, I’m starting to believe there is such thing. And in case you were wondering, his eyes were a hazel brown – dreamy and easy to get lost in… you know, the best kind of eyes a man can have! And his smile was perfect, he had an impressive set of pearly whites that any reality TV star would envy.

***

Her name was Rosie. She was a florist and she hated her husband. Yep, hours had passed and I knew it all. She was… She was something else. I felt my heart beat faster when we spoke, we really made a connection in the woods, and it was the best thing that happened to me in a while anyway. Her eyes were an emerald green and you know when the sun shines through the trees in a wood and it’s the most beautiful thing ever, well her eyes did that too. It was extremely difficult to focus on anything else when her eyes were that incredible. Her teeth were just fine too, she had a couple of crooked ones on her bottom row but it was adorable. We had been sat in the daffodils speaking for hours and I felt happy. Happier than I ever have before, even happier than my wedding day. Whoever said that was the happiest day of your life was a liar because sitting in the daffodils with a woman I had just met was the happiest day of mine. We made a pact to meet in the woods every day at 3pm by the daffodils. I wanted to kiss her but I hadn’t even kissed my own wife in weeks. Screw it, I thought and I kissed her.

***

He kissed me. It actually felt normal and it felt like both of us wanted it. The kiss was perfect, when I explain it, you will get jealous. He put his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, I thought he was going to hug me as a thank you for letting him pour his heart out but no, his head moved closer to mine and my heart began to beat out of my chest. I felt nervous but excited. As his body got closer to mine, I felt his heart beating out of his chest and together, we were making music. He touched my face gently and looked into my eyes. My tummy fluttered and my cheeks went pink. I felt my lips begin to quiver as his got closer to mine. The moment arrived and our lips touched. We were kissing. It was warm and soft and romantic. In that moment, I swear I felt more alive than I had in my whole marriage with Charlie. To my disappointment, the kiss ended. I felt like I could kiss him for the rest of the evening but obviously, that would be excessive. I would see him tomorrow though so I didn’t feel too sad.

***

I arrived home and my wife wasn’t in so I went straight to sleep before she came back. I already wanted tomorrow to arrive.

The next day my eye was looking less black but more blue. I suppose that was an improvement but still, it wasn’t attractive. My wife still wasn’t home but I didn’t even care anymore, I had met someone better. It was a Saturday today so I didn’t actually have work but I left a note for her anyway.

‘At work – James’ I wrote. You’d think it would be a loving note but no, I didn’t even put a kiss. Why would I when we don’t even kiss in the flesh? I headed out to the woods to see my new love interest and I felt like a teenager sneaking around. I liked it.

***

Thankfully, Charlie was out with his mates all day on a pub crawl so it would be easy for me to sneak off into the woods to see James. I couldn’t wait, all I could think about was that kiss with him. I pretended to sleep early last night so Charlie wouldn’t try anything. I knew he would be devastated if he discovered what I was doing but the heart wants what the heart wants and it wasn’t my fault that I didn’t feel the same way anymore. This marriage needed to be over but I just didn’t have the courage to end it, not yet anyway. I went to our meeting spot and James was sat there with a rug and a picnic basket. I smiled at him and ran over, concentrating extremely hard not to trip over because that’s the exact kind of thing that would happ… Aaaand I trip over a branch millimetres away from him. He didn’t even laugh, he looked genuinely concerned and jumped up and ran over to me. He asked me if I was okay, I laughed and told him not to worry. He helped me over to the rug and we sat down. Today we didn’t even speak about our significant others. We spoke about family, friends, work, holidays… Everything but my husband and his wife. It was perfect, I felt full of adrenaline because I knew it was wrong but it didn’t FEEL wrong. I had a lovely day and yet again, we promised to meet the day after.

Months passed and James and I were still meeting every day in the woods at 3pm and neither of our partners suspected a thing. It felt so different and romantic. We never called or text, we literally just met in the woods every day and that was it, we were both always there and always enjoyed ourselves.

***

After a year, Rosie and I had made love countless times and it was now more than a bit of fun. We had fallen in love. Luckily for me, my wife had left me for someone at work and I was now happily divorced. Unfortunately, Charlie was still madly in love with Rosie and there was nothing we could do about it. She was perfect after all. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to be able to treat her to fancy meals, I wanted to take her to the cinema, go on bike rides and walks and just be with her, out of the woods. The woods knew our secret but nobody else could. Rosie was a local business woman, it would get around so quickly.

***

Winter had arrived and Charlie was going on his monthly pub crawl. He had been acting strange with me that morning but I didn’t think anything of it, I put my coat on after he had left and I walked to the woods. James had made a small fire and I explained Charlies’ behaviour that morning.

‘Do you think he knows?’ James asked.

‘I doubt it, I don’t know how he would.’ I answered.

We cuddled by the fire and spoke about life. It started to get dark and I didn’t want to leave him today, I wanted to lie here forever despite the fact my toes were turning to ice. Suddenly there was a rustle behind us and I panicked. James heard it too. We both jumped up and looked around. I heard someone sniff.

‘I knew it’ a mumbled voice said.

I turned around. It was Charlie.

‘Charlie!’ I gasped. ‘What are you doing here oh god how drunk are you?’

I walked over to him and grabbed his arms. His eyes were red and he stank of cider and cigarettes.

‘I’M HERE BECAUSE YOU GO TO THE WOODS EVERY DAY AND IT’S WINTER NOW AND THERE’S NO F***ING FLOWERS IN WINTER DARLING’ he was shouting now and it was scary. James stood in front of me in order to protect me from my own drunken husband.

Charlie fell to the floor and began to cry. I wish I felt bad but I just didn’t. I apologised to him nonetheless because I was doing such a horrible thing to him and he genuinely loved me to death. He hobbled up off the ground and pulled a pen knife out of his gilet pocket. I screamed.

‘Charlie, put that down. I beg of you, put it down. Don’t be stupid, please, I’m begging you.’ He started to walk slowly towards James, in a threatening manor but I wasn’t worried, James was twice his size and could lift Charlie up with his hand. Charlie ran towards James with the pen knife and stabbed him with it in the chest. I cried.

***

I knew enough about this guy to know he was manipulative and nasty. He was weak and drunk and attempting to threaten me. Rosie and I had been in love long enough for me to do anything for her, I was willing to do anything. I didn’t care about the consequences, she meant so much to me now. Charlie stabbed me in the chest so I kicked him in the crotch and he fell to the ground. I wouldn’t be threatened by this man and I wouldn’t be afraid of him any longer, I kicked him and kicked him and I just didn’t care. Rosie stood there in the snow with tears streaming down her blushed cheeks. She was whispering to herself.

‘I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.’ She was saying.

‘I’m so sorry Rosie, my anger took over me. I’m so sorry.’ I held her in my arms.

‘I don’t care anymore James, I don’t care. I need you.’ She was crying hysterically into my arms as she looked at Charlie on the ground, the snow around his head turning to a deep red colour.

He was too intoxicated to fight back, he was too weak. He had threatened me, knowing he wouldn’t be able to fight back and it was over for him. I had killed my muses’ husband.

***

I couldn’t believe it. We had just committed a crime. A local florist and lumberjack brutally attack drunk man in woods. I could see the headline now. We both panicked after a moment of pure relief. He was an innocent man, he was my husband, he deserved to know the truth, he did not deserve to die but he got both. I would live with the guilt for the rest of my life. I tried so hard to convince myself that it was his own fault. He thought he could beat James up but he was too drunk, I told myself this over and over again simply praying one day it would seem a good enough excuse but nothing would ever make up for what happened in the woods on this cold winters’ night.

James and I dragged Charlies’ cold, deceased body to the other side of the woods whilst the tears in my eyes were turning to ice as they rolled down my cheek. We found a spot in the woods where nobody would ever go and we dug a hole, a hole so deep that a parent would be proud of their kid if they’d dug it on a beach. I wish I could be proud of this hole but I wasn’t, I wasn’t proud of anything in this moment of time. James slid the body into the hole and he filled it with snow and dirt and patted the ground like nothing had ever been there. It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life. Much harder than it would have been to tell Charlie I was having an affair but there was nothing I could do about it now. I had to stay at home away from James for a few weeks to talk to policemen about where I had last seen him, his friends had told the police which pub they were at last and luckily, it was in a different town so nobody knew about Charlie venturing out besides James, I and the woods.

***

Weeks passed without seeing Rosie but the minute we were reunited it was as if nothing had happened, we agreed to keep our love in the woods for a few months for Rosie to grieve over her lost husband with family and friends and we knew if we left it long enough it wouldn’t look as dodgy.

We continued our 3pm ritual for another year. Charlies’ body still had not been found but Rosies’ family and friends had accepted that he would most likely be dead. And we finally felt comfortable going out for real dates, it was perfect. We were finally both in a happy relationship and nothing was stopping that.

We prayed every day that the woods wouldn’t leak our secret through the beautiful gaps where the sun shone through on those glorious spring days where I met my Rosie.

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My Best Friend

I read the note and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.

***

Noah and I had been running together since we were in high school. We were now in our early twenties and he was my best friend. I had always got along with boys better than girls. They were less bitchy and had better banter and I just preferred their company. Girls would bitch about me and call me a slut but I had never slept with anyone and I had never even been in a relationship. Noah was my best friend, he had been there for me through everything and he was especially supportive when my Dad passed away earlier this year. He was amazing and I would be lost without him.

It was 6:20 on a Sunday morning and I called up Noah to make sure he was awake for our daily run. He answered, on the first ring, as always. Every day we ended up talking on the phone until we reached the meeting point to start our run which was a broken lamppost on the corner of our street. As I waited, I warmed myself up by jogging on the spot and doing a couple of stretches until I saw Noah jogging towards me wearing a florescent pink sweat band on his head with matching ones on his wrists. Oh, and matching socks. I stopped what I was doing and stared at him with a look on my face which quite clearly said ‘Go home and get changed or I’m running alone.’ Noah looked at me and burst out laughing, I can only assume it was because he knew exactly what my face was telling him as he swiftly took off the sweat bands. He left the socks but I think I could get past that. We began to run our usual route and Noah kept telling me about some argument he’d got into with his girlfriend the night before. They argued so much it was abnormal but if they loved each other I suppose it didn’t matter, I guess I was just sick of hearing about it when he could quite easily walk away.

My favourite part of the run was this small forest that had a little clearing with a bench and we always sat there for a drink and ended up talking for what felt like hours. I don’t know what it was about Noah but we always got carried away with conversation and it was comforting. The conversations varied, one day we would talk about how amazing it would be if animals wore hats and then the next day we could talk about our political views. It was just that kind of friendship and I wouldn’t swap it for the world. Today’s conversation was about how we would react if it started raining rabbits. The outcome was that I would take as many as I could and keep them all whereas Noah said he would take as many as he could and make them into pies. And on that note, we got up and finished our run. When we got back to the lamppost, we completed our special handshake which we’d been improving and perfecting for over 10 years and gave each other a hug and wandered our separate ways.

I had a shower and got ready to go into town for some lunch with two of my friends; Matilda and Bethany, Tilly and Beth for short. I had known them both since primary school and it had always been us 3 but Tilly and Beth were closest and I was the tag along although, they still included me in most activities which was great. I decided to walk into town rather than get the bus because really, anything was better than public transport. I took my time because I knew they would both be late. It was a lovely autumn day, the air was warm but I felt a mild breeze against my skin every now and then, leaves crunched under my feet as I walked along the pavement. I studied the trees around me and the leaves were slowly dancing along with the wind preparing for winter. I found trees strange. They were the opposite of people. Imagine the leaves are what keep the trees warm, without leaves, the trees are bare and in winter, the leaves disappear whereas in winter, people wrap up and if jumpers were leaves, we wouldn’t be bare and cold. It sounds silly I know but I thought about it all the time at this time of year.

I arrived in town and to my surprise; Tilly and Beth were stood outside the café with huge smiles on their faces. I gave them each a hug and we strolled inside and chose the brown leather sofas near the open fire, none of us ever had to ask each other where we should sit, we always made our way to the sofas because that was our designated area every time we went here.

“So, I take it you’ve been on your run with lover boy this morning? Tilly said, raising her eyebrows.
“Lover boy? Leave it out, you know he has a girlfriend” I said shrugging my shoulders.

The thing is, my friends knew me so well that they felt comfortable telling me at least once a day that they knew I was in love with Noah and my answer every time was ‘He has a girlfriend.’ Which I suppose didn’t make it sound like I was denying the fact that I was in love with him but I wasn’t, well, I didn’t think I was but Tilly and Beth did and they were never going to believe otherwise no matter how much I tried to persuade them that they were wrong. The girls and I talked and laughed all afternoon and it was so good to spend time with them, it always was.

I got home and slumped myself onto my bed. I had in the morning so I needed to get some sleep but all I could think about was Noah ever since Tilly mentioned him in the café, I decided to give him a call to see if he wanted to come over and watch a film, it rang a couple of times which was extraordinary because he always picked up instantly. I heard a knock on my door so I left my phone on my bed and went to answer it. Noah was stood on my doorstep with tears streaming down his cheeks.

“She’s had enough. She’s left me.” He said under his breath.

I let him inside and make him a cup of tea.

“Have you got anything stronger?”
“Noah! It’s a Sunday night, you’re drinking tea or water.”
“Tea it is then…”

I sat next to him on my sofa and muted the TV. He explained that Sarah, who was his evil yet stunning girlfriend had come home late that evening and he didn’t understand what she possibly could want to do on a Sunday afternoon other than spend it watching rubbish tv with him so he asked her about it and she acted strange and he knew she was hiding something. He told me that he heard a car screech outside and Sarah ran up the stairs, all her bags packed.

“She didn’t even look at me, she didn’t even say anything. She grabbed all the bags and jumped into the car, I didn’t even see who it was.”

I never realised how much Sarah meant to Noah but now it was clear to me. All I wanted to do was give him a hug, so I did and he cried into me, almost falling asleep on my shoulder. It felt so nice. Oh god. Maybe I was in love with him. Or maybe it was just this moment; I hadn’t ever felt this before. I ignored it. He was my best friend and he was in need, so I soothed him.

“You know you’re welcome to stay here tonight if you don’t feel like going back to yours. ” I said, trying to sound comforting.

He nodded his head which I assumed he meant he wanted to.

“I’ll grab you a duvet and some pillows”
“Thank you Lucy.”

And that was that. He fell asleep on the sofa and I stayed wide awake in my bed for a good couple of hours. I was pleasantly drifting off until I heard my door creak open with Noah stood in his boxers by the door. He walked slowly towards me and sat next to me in my bed. I looked into his eyes, they looked sad. I saw his face slowly moving towards mine. My eyes widened. I panicked. What was happening? What do I do? He kissed me.

I placed my hands on his face and kissed him back, I knew I wanted to so I did. His lips felt so soft against mine, my eyes were closed and I didn’t feel like I had to open them, I just went along with it. My heart was beating so fast and I hoped he couldn’t hear it. I ran my fingers through his hair. He bit my lip. I lay on my back, he lay on top of me, holding my back tightly, my toes curled, my breaths became shorter, he kissed my neck over and over again and I was feeling emotions I’d never felt before, it was amazing. This felt so right but so wrong but more right. I didn’t want it to stop and it didn’t for most of the night. We fell asleep in each other’s arms so late that we both slept in and missed our run.

I woke up to the screeching of my alarm clock, it read 8:30am. My mind was flurried from the thoughts of last night, I rolled onto my side and Noah was gone and placed where he would have been was a small piece of paper. I read the note and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.

“Lucy,

Last night was perfect and I don’t regret it, not even slightly.
You’re beautiful, gentle and sweet and you’ve been my best friend for countless years but last night proved to me that I don’t just see you as my friend, I’ve fallen in love with you, by accident.

And the thought of you finding this out whilst I’m still around is enough for you to want to run away from me and I’m sorry but I just can’t handle that, therefore, I’m running away from you.

I am in love with you but we both know that’s wrong of me. You deserve better, someone else who is willing to take the time to learn to fully appreciate you.

Sarah came back for me and I feel like what I should do is go with her, away. Away from his place. Away from you. I suppose I do love her after all.

I’m sorry, maybe it is the best for you also.

Love always,

Noah

X.”

I threw the note on my bed, ran outside and kicked the almost broken lamppost until my foot began to ache as much as my heart. I collapsed to the ground and burst into tears. I was in love with Noah and he was in love with me but he couldn’t face it meaning I’d lost my best friend.

My Fighter

We’d been in love for many years,
I found out and broke down in tears,
Why had this happened to my girl?
I’ll miss her blue eyes and her curls.

I helped her get through her chemo,
Held her as she rocked to and fro,
She cried into me; I felt weak,
I held her face and kissed her cheek.

It was July when I lost her,
I won’t forget what we once were,
She was beautiful, smart and strong,
She had to fight it for too long.

I was only 16 years old,
I’d lost my love, my heart was cold,
She will always be in my heart,
She always was, right from the start.

Rain

Raindrops on the garden flowers.
Sitting in the rain for hours.
The rain is warm, the mist is cold.
Sat there wanting a hand to hold.

The river water was so high.
Big puddles and floods, the town cry.
The sky dark grey, no cloud in sight.
Moist grass from the previous night.

It rains all night, it rains all day.
The sky remains a dark, dull grey.
The rain is bouncing off my face.
It soaks me through, my heart races.

I like the sun when it shines bright,
But you can’t hear the sun at night.

My Late Love

I miss the love we used to share,
Snoozing whilst he played with my hair,
Kissing my nose to wake me up,
Making tea in my favourite cup.

When we were young we were so free,
Spending whole days being lazy,
Cuddling up on the old blue couch,
Tickling me as I laugh; ‘Ouch!’

When I see young couples in love,
I feel him with me from above,
Memories start to come flooding back,
He’s guided me along this track.

I think about what we once had,
The fact he’s not here makes me sad,
He was my first love. I, his last,
I wish that he had never passed.

Memories Of An Old Romance

I glanced at them both from afar,
As he helped her out of his car,
He was tall with a lovely smile,
Her eyes bright blue, shone for a mile.

I kissed her lips and held her hand,
Her hair was golden like the sand,
Her blue eyes made me feel so lost,
She was mine and lucky, I was.

His smile was the best of them all,
We laughed and joked sat on the wall,
He held my waist, we walked away,
He made every day the best day.

They looked so happy and in love,
The kind of love I was free of,
I missed my lover most at night,
Being alone wasn’t quite right.

Secret Crush

I had noticed him from afar,
Sat by the lake on his guitar,
I sat there alone in the grass,
And felt the time go by so fast.

When he was also by the lake,
I could feel my heart slowly shake,
I just wanted to know his name,
I think I loved him, it’s a shame.

He doesn’t realise when I’m there,
How do I tell him that I care?
He’d probably decide to run,
If I told him he was the one.

After all, he is just my crush,
Yet somehow he still makes me blush,
I just wish he’d acknowledge me,
Maybe he will, I’ll wait and see.